Do this if you’ve drifted away from your purpose
Family, career, travel, hobbies, social life, study, volunteering, side hustle, errands, making dinner..…umm, when exactly am I supposed to get any sleep?
I know I’m not the only one feeling overwhelmed with tasks and to-do lists. If you’re here, you might be travelling down a similar road. But how much of what you’re doing is helping you achieve your purpose in life?
I use “life’s purpose” loosely here, meaning whatever big idea you have for your life. What is the one thing that you really want to accomplish? Most of us do have at least that one thing that’s always in the back of our minds, just waiting to come out…For some it’s more material, for others deeply spiritual…for most, it’s a combination of factors.
Some examples could be: starting a side hustle, completing projects for a cause you care about, writing a book, preparing for a competition, getting a degree, setting up a herb garden, travelling the world, getting a pet, getting a job…you get the idea! I don’t intend for the phrase “life purpose” to imply something huge has to happen. It’s just that generally, something huge does happen when we truly go after what we want. Whether big or small, if it means something to you, that is what I want you to focus on.
(And if you don’t yet have a clear idea of your life purpose, bestselling author Daniel Pink has recently made a great video on how to find it, watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEQL2ZRDRVM.)
This article is focused on what to do when you realize you have drifted away from your purpose. The things is that, not only is it easy to neglect to do the thing we want to do, but we also neglect becoming the person we want to be. Reconnecting to your life purpose should be a renewing experience and you should come out the other side as an even more awesome version of you. So let’s get started…
Step 1: Take a time out
I don’t know about you, but the pace of life seems to carry me into a roller coaster of activities that don’t amount to much as it relates to my big goals and dreams. The constant demand for the next thing to get done, no matter how organized I feel and how many items I tick off, is draining.
If you’ve been in reactive mode, chasing career goals just for the sake of it, looking after others, struggling through daily chores, etc…it’s time to switch to responsive mode instead.
I think having alone time on a daily basis is absolutely crucial in the modern age. I mean true alone time, no distractions or devices constantly asking for your attention. And yes, I realize this sounds - and almost is - impossible for some. But as much as this is an option for you, take some alone time every day, or even better, give yourself a little retreat: shut out as many unnecessary inputs as you can for at least a few days.
You need to pause and listen to what is calling to you to make it happen. Give yourself the freedom to explore how this will look moving forward. Maybe you consider taking an extra day off work every fortnight to focus on your own dreams. Maybe it will require a daily commitment. Get some clarity around what your goal is and how it looks practically. Journaling or debriefing with someone you trust might be really helpful here.
Consider things like:
What are the activities I gravitate towards in my free moments?
What does my ideal day look like?
Who do I want to impact?
What are my current major obstacles?
What opportunities do I not want to miss?
What are my biggest distractions?
Where can I invest some money or time to make changes in the coming month?
Step 2: Make repairs if needed
Sad reality check: sometimes we get caught up in our own tasks and neglect tending to others because we are constantly on edge, rushing to the next thing, or juggling too much. Another sad reality is that we may not notice when we’re doing this, or it may be too late by the time we do.
I’ll speak for myself here, because after step 1 of pausing and reflecting, I had to actually take two steps back, approach some people and situations that had been harmed by me simply moving too quickly through life, acknowledge the harm caused and commit to doing better. Quite simply, I had to chill out. I now know that nothing is worth me being high-strung and unpleasant to be around.
As much as is within your control, go ahead: have the difficult conversation, apologize for not being as present as you once were, take responsibility for how you’ve treated others, look forward to better days and make the changes needed.
On the other hand, maybe it’s you who has become unwell. Has your sleep schedule gone haywire, or are you eating nothing but snacks and coffee to get through the busy-ness of the day? Are you stretching yourself too thin at home because you’re doing everything you can to get the promotion at work?
Speak kindly to yourself as you would to others. Here are some helpful prompts and phrases to help with this whole process:
I resent that my focus on certain things has distracted me from [family, self-care, etc]. I acknowledge this may happen again, and I aim to notice when this has gone too far.
It’s not going to be easy, but I am willing to put the work in because our relationship matters to me. Help me understand what areas I have come short in.
Here is what I need from you to help me a better version of myself.
I am committed to checking in with you to ensure this doesn’t happen again.
Step 3: Make it make sense!
Did you know that chefs are very particular about kitchen items being in a specific spot? It’s called mise en place, and it’s a great industry phrase that can be applied to other aspects of life. It’s how things can look chaotic from the outside but the ones who know where everything is can make things happen smoothly, creating beautiful results.
Think of when people lay out their gym clothes ready for the next day, or have a dedicated spot for all the children’s school supplies to minimize scrambling for them in the morning on the way out.
I ask you, how can you do this for your self? If you want to be taking certain actions, it needs to fit into your life somewhat easily. Get the supplies, set reminders, communicate with your family that you need a set time dedicated to you, sign up for the event, whatever is needed to get your hands dirty in your life’s purpose!
Don’t be a slave to the daily to-do lists that never go away…know that more often than not, there are a few factors you can control to find time for the things you really care about.
A life of ease and freedom can take a lot of discipline and thought, but the rewards are worth it.
Step 4: Seek mentors/group support
Most of us have a person we consider admirable, or a mentor figure. If you don’t yet have this kind of connection, where could you find them? More than a friendly face, this should be someone that will tell you the truth, help and encourage you, and exemplify what you’re trying to do.
You want to find a person or community where you can find answers, opportunities, showcase your abilities, feel safe while challenged and get closer to your goals as well as accountability in reaching them. Perhaps it’s not accessible in person, and it may take some trial and error, but your life purpose probably has a few components that require co-operation and suport from others, so don’t struggle on your own!
Here are some ideas on who to approach:
Career coach
Industry leader
Online groups
In-person meetups/events
Local organizations
Peers online or in your area
Offer your skill/insights/work through service exchange sites like www.simbi.com
Remember: don’t just approach people to receive benefits from them, make sure you are providing value to others as well.
Step 5: Reframe motivation
Now that you’ve set yourself up with the right activities, community and relationships, it’s time to keep the ball rolling!
The reality is that we can’t rely on feeling motivated to do the hard things day after day. I’ve heard some say that you should not even factor motivation in when it comes to deciding what to do with your time. I don’t think it needs to be this clear cut, as some people are just going to perform at a higher level if in they’re in the mood for the given task.
In my pursuit of certain goals, the thing that has helped me in taking action was tuning into the feelings that came up when I imagined the end result.
What thoughts and emotions come up for you when you’re involved and working on your “thing” (i.e. your life purpose)?
The reward is not just what happens at the end, the reward is entangled throughout the process of learning, success, failure, re-imagining, becoming a better [insert your skill here]. You are not doing your thing simply because it feels good, or because it will make you lots of money or other fleeting outcome. It’s a part of who you are, it calls to you when you start to drift, it distracts you from your day-to-day.
A great book I read years ago about getting your work out on a daily basis is Henry Todd’s “Die Empty”. He made me realize we are all full of great work, and it’s up to use to make sure it comes out.
I hope with these basic steps you feel like your life purpose is within your reach and to an extent, your control. And inevitably, be prepared to drift again as this is just the nature of life as we move through different seasons. Don’t let the drift be forever, because only you can fulfill your purpose!
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
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